I received an email from my daughter’s school in the fall of 2012. This email opened up my past wounds and secrets that no one knew about but Trevor, my husband. The email was really disturbing and bought me to tears. It said that my daughter’s 13-year-old classmate named Mary had committed suicide by swallowing pills from her parent’s bathroom. I was concerned about my daughter’s state of mind, because she really liked Mary.
I listened to my daughter talk about her emotional day. She was really confused, sad and angry at Mary and could not understand how Mary was gone so quickly. I wanted my daughter to feel better and thought that if I shared my story she would understand Mary. Finally, after years of keeping my suicide attempt hidden, I decided to speak up. I found that sharing did help my children. But I wanted to help more people, so I decided to write a memoir. I wanted my readers to know what I have been through and what I have witnessed and dealt with in life as well; that those who are suffering are not alone; and to think carefully about actions, because all actions have consequences. Most importantly, how you can turn your life around and have a great future where you are happy and loved.
In the twenty years that have passed, I have grown as a person and learned a lot about myself. My suicide attempt will always stay with me. It’s part of who I am. Sometimes, I find myself straying towards negative thinking again. Sometimes, it overwhelms me and I get upset. It’s something I have to accept. But I find that talking through my feelings with Trevor and with my close friends really helps. Writing my book has also been therapeutic. The act of writing can be painful as you relive bad memories again, but once it is written down you can look at it objectively. You can just release it and let it go. So I would definitely recommend sharing and journaling to heal.
Other great ways of managing your thoughts are to keep focused on your goals that are stepping stones to that positive future that you imagine for yourself. It’s good to create goals. It’s even better to celebrate your achievements, because that boosts your sense of self-worth which is a great antidote to negative thoughts.
Take care of your body by eating healthily and working out. Your chemistry helps your thinking which in turn helps your body heal quicker. It’s a great cycle that starts with positive, healthy thoughts. I would say that the top healthy thoughts to practice are appreciation for yourself, love for others, commitment to a hopeful future and gratitude for the present good in your life. I wake up every day and thank the universe for at least ten things. It’s the best way to start my day!
Finally, remember that whatever struggles you have in life, keep moving forward with determination until your find success – because you are worth it!